How to Break Free from Stammering Shame
"Break free" is a powerful phrase, and it’s important to acknowledge that feeling shame about stammering is normal in a society that often pressures us to speak fluently to be considered "acceptable." These messages are everywhere:
As Children: We are often told to slow down and think before speaking.
In Speech Therapy: We hear, "You’ll grow out of it, most children do," and face the sinking realization in adulthood that we haven't "grown out of it."
From Parents and Adults: They might finish our sentences for us, well-intentioned but misguided attempts to be helpful.
In Daily Life: We may feel isolated in environments where no one speaks like us.
With all these pervasive messages, how can we not feel shame when we are constantly being told that our way of speaking is unacceptable and needs to be changed?
However, these messages promoting fluency are rooted in societal beliefs that the only "normal" way to speak is without a stammer. This belief implies that those who stammer are somehow less worthy, which is far from the truth. It took me many years of shame to realize that stammering is not a bad thing, but simply a different way of speaking—a normal variation of human speech. I used to believe that I was the problem because of my stammer, and my solution was to hide it, which only made me more miserable and prevented me from living the life I wanted.
When I finally understood that I wasn’t the problem and that stammering is just a different way of speaking, my life changed for the better. I stopped wasting energy on worrying about what others thought of me and started focusing on the content of my conversations and the connections I was making, rather than my stammer. This shift in perspective made me feel freer and happier as I moved from thinking "my stammer is the problem" to realizing "society’s conditioning about fluency is the problem."
Feeling ashamed was only holding me back, and I knew I couldn’t live like that anymore. It isn’t easy, but when we stop feeling shame for something beyond our control and not our fault, we begin to live more authentically and can focus our energy on what truly matters to us.
Embrace your stammer as a unique part of who you are. Remember, fluency does not determine your worth or the value of what you have to say. By breaking free from shame, we can start to live our lives with greater confidence and joy. If you want help on your journey, schedule a free discovery call for Liv Shame Free Coaching here!
